They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
