yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
