I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize