you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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