Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
