what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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