ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
