My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
