Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
