There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
