Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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