I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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