Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
