Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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