I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
