Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
