after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
