He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
