just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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