i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
