my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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