If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
