i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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