you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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