you have to choose: penises or morals?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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