I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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