haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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