my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize