her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
