I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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