I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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