It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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