Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
