I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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