we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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