she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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