Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
