Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
