I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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