I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
