Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
