my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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