You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
