I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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