it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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