does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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