She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, beer. Big fan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
