Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
