Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
