my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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