I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
