dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
