If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize