I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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