WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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