i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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