I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
