and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
